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Bad Habit - New Buffyverse fanvid

The hardest thing in the world
My laptop is doing strange noises again, as I very very recently said.

Meanwhile I took the afternoon off and out of pure fangirl euphoria I made my second Buffyverse video. It's called Bad Habit, like the Dresden Dolls' song I used to make it. It's about self-harm and violence against yourself.

Note: I wanted to use different bits for Cordelia, like that scene in which she saw the scar on her back or another in which she took some painkillers, but I only have few Angel episodes and it's boring to wait to make things. I like to do them in the heat of the moment, so I used some other scenes. I hope that they work anyway.

And that's it. I hope you all like it. It's my second attempt. This time it was a little bit more difficult because the music was different, faster, and I had to keep up. But it was also fun.

I also have to thank red_satin_doll for her encouragement and just her constant support. Just yesterday we were talking about these ideas for new fanvids.

So here it is. Warning: self-harm and violence.


EDIT: The technology must hate me. Here the address of the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnResUGq7_I


And now I can return to feel guilty for not studying.

Comments

( 39 comments — Leave a comment )
sunclouds33
Jun. 10th, 2014 08:57 pm (UTC)
That was really well done! I love the song and how you spliced the cips together.
kikimay
Jun. 10th, 2014 08:57 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.
endeni
Jun. 10th, 2014 09:13 pm (UTC)
Oh, wow, that was very powerful! And the first "Make me want to give mankind a beating" with Buffy punching Spike was a very funny touch, while the last line "Makes me want to give myself a beating" was perfect for Faith (in Buffy's body) fighting Buffy (in Faith's body). ;)
kikimay
Jun. 10th, 2014 09:34 pm (UTC)
I don't know if I find that funny (Poor Spike!). I'm glad you appreciated.
endeni
Jun. 10th, 2014 09:54 pm (UTC)
Well, it's the in-joke with the lyrics that I found funny ("mankind" getting punched), to me it lightened the tone for a moment. Which I thought was a nice thing to have mid-vid given the seriousness of the theme of the vid in general. ;)
kikimay
Jun. 10th, 2014 10:01 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you appreciated. Yes, it was kinda an in-joke, but I still feel the scene as very dramatic. Maybe it has to do with Spike. Poor him.
endeni
Jun. 10th, 2014 10:23 pm (UTC)
Oh, well, that's interesting. It really shows how the the audience can read the text in a different manner from the author...
Actually, it makes me think of one of Isaac Asimov's famous anecdotes, oh, here it is from tvtropes:
"Isaac Asimov [...] once sat in (in the back of a large lecture hall, so semi-anonymously) on a class where the topic of discussion was one of his own works. Afterward, he went up and introduced himself to the teacher, saying that he had found the teacher's interpretation of the story interesting, though it really wasn't what he had meant at all. The teacher's response was "Just because you wrote it, what makes you think you have the slightest idea what it's about?"
There is an echo of this concept in Asimov's short-short story "The Immortal Bard", in which William Shakespeare is brought into the present day and takes a college course about his writings. He flunks."
:D

Edited at 2014-06-10 10:24 pm (UTC)
kikimay
Jun. 11th, 2014 09:56 am (UTC)
Interesting observations. And yes, we all interpret the text differently. For example I thought that this song was also fitting for Buffy, Dawn etc not only for Faith.
red_satin_doll
Jun. 13th, 2014 12:58 pm (UTC)
Maybe it has to do with Spike. Poor him.

He's not an innocent bystander sweetie.
kikimay
Jun. 13th, 2014 08:40 pm (UTC)
I know that he's not innocent and I know he's also abusive in many moments. But he's also abused at that point and abuse is wrong, no matter who is doing what.
red_satin_doll
Jun. 13th, 2014 09:59 pm (UTC)
I agree with you sweetie - but where's the corresponding"poor Buffy" when Faith is wailing on her in WAY? These are both very complex situations and three superpowered human beings. Buffy had to let herself be beaten in order to get close enough to Faith. Spike didn't have to be there, he chose to be there, chose that mode of action; encouraged Buffy - who is distraught, emotionally messed up and pretty close to mental dissociation if not psychosis, to beat him. Yes it's sick and wrong and that's the point - his idea of making it all better is very twisted. And with vampire strength a beating is not only desirable to a demon but no big - get up and walk away and he'll have the scars to prove she "cares".

I've never denied that it's a mutually abusive relationship, but it's also very different to two ordinary human beings and it's part of a very twisted dynamic that he finds acceptable at that point. What do you think he meant by "try on my world for size" etc etc?
kikimay
Jun. 13th, 2014 10:24 pm (UTC)
No, I totally agree. It's part of Spike's twisted idea of love and it makes me sad that he thinks that it's okay to beat and be beated to prove to someone that you love him/her.

I really do agree with everything you say. I was answering the comment above. I don't find that scene amusing but quite dramatic and I feel sorry for both Spike and Buffy, but in that moment is especially Spike who is suffering and, yes, there's part of him who enjoys the suffering and he's still a demon so I guess that pain and pleasure are all the same ... still, he was really sad when he said to Buffy that he tried not to love her. It's all new for him too and he also suffers for the whole situation. He's also victimized.

I'm the first person to think that Buffy's suffering needs to be more considered by the fandom, that her sacrifices are terribly overlooked and you know how I feel about the whole Faith stealing her body (It kinda scares me more than the physical aggression) but I also don't want to not recognize when she's wrong. I don't want to be those fans who think that their heroes are entitled to everything and other guys' heroes are to blame.

I hope it's clear what I'm trying to say.




red_satin_doll
Jun. 13th, 2014 10:34 pm (UTC)
And I totally agree with everything you say sweetie (and yes I do know how you feel about Faith and the body swap!) except for calling him "victimized" in this instance. I feel very very sorry for both of them when he says "I love you" and she says "No you don't" in such a broken voice that I have no doubt she is acknowledging his feelings.

But calling him a victim because of the punches in this particular situation - which he encouraged - seems odd to me when they have been beating the shit out of each other since School Hard. Literally. that is the entire context of their relationship from the word go and all of the sudden this instance is horrible but all the others were ok and even funny? Some of the times she hits him in S5 seem harsher, and I hold it harder against her when she calls poor dead Chloe "stupid" because Chloe isn't there to defend herself. In DT and Smashed I see two people in emotional pain in both instances but the punches thrown are the least of it in this situation - this is not real life one human being beating on another.

I hope I'm being clear?
kikimay
Jun. 13th, 2014 10:41 pm (UTC)
Yes, I do. I also believe that there are harsher times and generally it's just the way they interact. (For example when he's spying on her house in "No Place like Home" and she just punches him before he can explain) It's a very violent pairing.

I guess that this scene is particularly painful because he isn't fighting back and there's really so much angst there: Buffy's losing her way, she's punching him but she's trying to punch herself and to punish herself and he thinks that his going down like that it's an act of love, because he doesn't know how to handle love and he wants to prove himself.

I mean, so much angst from both sides and it's so fucked up. I understand why for so many people that's the bottom (That and Seeing Red, of course!) Because it's not about "funny violence" anymore. It's about two people who really lost themselves.
red_satin_doll
Jun. 14th, 2014 01:29 am (UTC)
I mean, so much angst from both sides and it's so fucked up. I understand why for so many people that's the bottom (That and Seeing Red, of course!) Because it's not about "funny violence" anymore. It's about two people who really lost themselves.

Yes, exactly. And it had to come to that eventually- violence isn't funny, it takes a horrible toll.
endeni
Jun. 15th, 2014 01:11 pm (UTC)
Sorry butting in...
/violence isn't funny, it takes a horrible toll./ - Oh, that's right. *nods* Interesting conversation, indeed seen this way that scene with Spike being punched seems much less funny now...
red_satin_doll
Jun. 15th, 2014 02:36 pm (UTC)
No, I don't think it's funny, but unlike most of fandom I'm not seeing good guy/bad guy in this scene either. I understand both of them a little too much. (Which is not the same as condoning, btw.)

I've never written at length about Dead Things (because I haven't had the courage or whatnot, which I'm not proud of actually) but have you read my Ted meta from last year? Because it's about the stain of violence on the soul focusing on an ep that fandom either overlooks or misinterprets IMHO. People trace DT back to WAY and back to Consequences, but they have to go back further, to the first time Buffy thought she'd accidentally killed a human being
http://red-satin-doll.livejournal.com/13017.html
endeni
Jun. 15th, 2014 04:47 pm (UTC)
Oh, very interesting! Just added it to my to-read list! Thanks so much for the link!
red_satin_doll
Jun. 15th, 2014 04:48 pm (UTC)
You're welcome (turnabout is fair play! *lol*)
kikimay
Jun. 15th, 2014 07:26 pm (UTC)
Endeni, please, feel free to butt in as long as you want! :D

While I agree with Red_satin_doll on so many things - I also think that Buffy has a violent approach with Spike, that she did some harsher things and that Spike wasn't the sacrifical lamb at all - I also believe it's a really terrible scene. Just the fact that she beats him into a pulp and it's not "funny violence" but much more realistic ... it takes the thing to another level. And I think that Buffy realizes it, because when she's finished she has a shocked face.

(And the meta about Ted is something I didn't think about but it fits perfectly. Buffy just realizes how much she can hurt someone)



Edited at 2014-06-15 07:27 pm (UTC)
red_satin_doll
Jun. 13th, 2014 12:54 pm (UTC)
while the last line "Makes me want to give myself a beating" was perfect for Faith (in Buffy's body) fighting Buffy (in Faith's body).

Yes that was an absolutely marvelous "last note" to the video!
endeni
Jun. 13th, 2014 01:06 pm (UTC)
Indeed, talking about self-destructive tendencies... ;)
shapinglight
Jun. 10th, 2014 10:37 pm (UTC)
Poor Buffyverse women! They took a lot of knocks, didn't they?
kikimay
Jun. 11th, 2014 09:50 am (UTC)
A lot, really. Thanks for watching it.
eilowyn
Jun. 10th, 2014 10:40 pm (UTC)
I have to go to a class right now, but hopefully I'll be able to tell you how much I love it before you go to bed tonight (assuming your bad sleep patterns are still happening).
eilowyn
Jun. 11th, 2014 02:24 am (UTC)
PERFECT SONG CHOICE FOR THE SUBJECT MATTER! You've convinced me this song needs to be on a fanmix . . . hmm . . . Anyway, I loved the very end where it says "give myself a beating" and it's Buffy/Faith fighting Faith/Buffy. This song reminds me more of Faith than Buffy though . . . you've given me more thinky thoughts . . .
kikimay
Jun. 11th, 2014 09:53 am (UTC)
Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. Yes, I guess that I could have made a totally Faith video, the song is perfect, but I really think that it also fitting for Buffy and the other girls. Everyone has her self-harming bad habits.
kikimay
Jun. 11th, 2014 09:54 am (UTC)
(assuming your bad sleep patterns are still happening)

I'm trying to correct that. It's kinda difficult, because I sleep less, but I guess that after a while I will get used to it.
rbfvid
Jun. 11th, 2014 01:21 pm (UTC)
That's a wonderful execution of the great idea.
kikimay
Jun. 11th, 2014 07:53 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I'm happy that you liked it.
red_satin_doll
Jun. 13th, 2014 01:04 pm (UTC)
Terrific video sweetie - I'd never guess this was your second fanvid! *applause* More, please! I feel as if you could explore this territory even further.

The middle section (around 1:00+) is terrifically dynamic, both the song and the vid "pick up speeed" so to speak; and I agree with endeni, that last image from Who are You to "beating myself" is absolute perfection.

I'm not sure what you're saying with the inclusion of Cordy lying in the hospital bed (although the one of her burning the photos is a fantastic inclusion.) Are you saying that dating Xander amounts to a self-harming habit? (I would not disagree with this btw. *lol*)
kikimay
Jun. 13th, 2014 08:46 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I'm really glad that you liked it.

I wanted to use different Cordy scenes from AtS when she's all "saint!Cordy" because martyrdoom is a form of self-destruction, right? Even if it's approved by the Church, I guess. But I don't have AtS dvds. I have some old episodes recorded from the television when they were airing Angel at 2 am (Apparently it was dangerous to people to watch Angel or S6 of Buffy and so it was massively censored)

That bit with Cordy on the bed. It's just because the lyrics say: "Thank you for your pity, you are too kind".
red_satin_doll
Jun. 13th, 2014 09:59 pm (UTC)
Ah I couldn't make out the lyrics sometimes during the song, thanks.
kikimay
Jun. 13th, 2014 10:25 pm (UTC)
Amanda Palmer sings really fast! XD

Here's the lyrics: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/dresdendolls/badhabit.html
red_satin_doll
Jun. 13th, 2014 10:35 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I'm awful at understanding lyrics a lot of the time. (Which is not fun at concerts when everyone else knows a song and I can't understand a word the person onstage is singing.)
kikimay
Jun. 13th, 2014 10:43 pm (UTC)
LOL. Oh, but it makes me think that I'm really getting better with the English because I understood the 70% of it before I searched for the lyrics. (Now I'm probably going to make some big grammar mistakes, I know)



red_satin_doll
Jun. 14th, 2014 01:27 am (UTC)
I dare say your English grammar is far better than mine!
lokifan
Jun. 14th, 2014 08:29 pm (UTC)
Wow, that was so sad but really great. There's something interesting, there, given how much Buffy especially is put through - heroic protagonists, especially women, have to suffer to keep our interest apparently - "more productive than if I were to be happy."
kikimay
Jun. 14th, 2014 09:01 pm (UTC)
I think that all the heroes are destined to suffer, both female and male ones, because only with the suffering we can have the catharsis. It's really all about the basic need to face pain and to get over it, I think. Or, at least, that's my approach towards suffering in the Buffyverse.

Thanks for watching!
( 39 comments — Leave a comment )

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Buffy. And it's always going to be me.
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